As we enter the eleventh month of the year, we often find ourselves juggling a lot. With Halloween out the door, we move on to Thanksgiving. Here, I invite you to do a bit of reflection…What does Thanksgiving usually mean to you? Do you gather with family? Friends? Does Thanksgiving mean much to you? No matter what your traditions are for the holiday, the idea of Thanksgiving rings clear throughout November. How do we give thanks for our family, friends, ourselves, and our lives? Maybe we take time to reflect alone on our lives, or perhaps we decide to give back to our community.
Regardless of traditions this time of year, I believe we can all relate to the feeling of anxiety around this time. Specifically, anxiety about the future. This can materialize in a variety of different ways. The nearing of the year’s end can cause us to fear what a new year will bring…Curious relatives might ask us to tell them our future plans, whether or where we intend to attend college…Or, as the semester ends, we might fear the upcoming exams and grade reports. All of these fears and more are valid, but let’s unpack why we feel them and how we can combat them.
To start, let’s recognize that these feelings are so common that psychologists have created an entirely separate name for it: anticipatory anxiety. Anticipatory anxiety is defined as “worry about the future, the fear that bad things might happen or that you might become unable to successfully accomplish what you set out to do.” Sound familiar? I have absolutely experienced these feelings before personally, and the first step in coping with these feelings is recognizing that you are not alone. Stress is a natural response to uncertainty. So, all of those questions about the future are going to incite feelings of stress. It’s a common occurrence, and you should not feel lonely or shameful about your feelings.
Let’s dive into what else we can do to cope with any sort of fear of the future. There are many resources online that have a multitude of tips for coping with feelings of anxiety about the future, but here are the best ones that we have found:
Answer “What if…?”
Thinking about the future can often cause a mental spiral around the question, “What if…?” But often, if we give ourselves the space to answer these questions, it doesn’t feel so scary after all. What if we don’t get into our dream college? What would be the real outcome of that? We might feel like we would be less worthy of things, loved less by our family or ourselves, or just unsuccessful. If we can give ourselves space to play with the questions of What If, we might be able to see more clearly that the thoughts of what we fear might happen in the future are just that: thoughts. And the exciting thing is that we are in control of our thoughts, and we have the capability within ourselves to distinguish thoughts from reality. Give yourself some time and some grace to lean into your fears with the confidence in knowing that just because you think something will happen doesn’t mean it actually will. Sometimes, the fear of that thing can be more likely to harm you than the likelihood of it ever happening!
Focus on what you can control.
Your focus is your greatest tool. The good news is, that you’re 100% in control of it! Try channeling the fear and anxiety you might be experiencing into something productive. Nervous about an upcoming test? Sit down and make a detailed study schedule that you can control, which will set you up for success.
Look for evidence.
We are often afraid of things that aren’t actual realities. Try looking for concrete evidence to back up your fears. Most of the time, you’ll find there are none! Trust the evidence that you can or cannot find in times when you find yourself fearful of future events.
Practice good self-care.
Your mind and body are connected on many levels that we cannot even fathom. Keeping your body in good health will, in turn, help your mind feel well. Get into your body and out of your head – go for a walk with a friend, try some stretches, take a nap, eat healthful foods, and focus on how your body feels in the moment. Lastly, practice self-compassion. Try treating yourself the way you would treat a best friend. We are often much harder on ourselves than we think, so treating yourself compassionately can help you gain some much-needed perspective.
Journal.
Keeping track of your thoughts as you’re experiencing them can be a very helpful way to identify harmful thought patterns. It can also help you distinguish between your thoughts and your reality. Keeping a journal can be a very beneficial way to keep your thoughts in check, or create plans and to-do lists that can help make daunting tests or applications seem do-able.
Breathe.
Focus on your breath to help you stay in the present moment in times of anxiety. As does your breath, moments come and go, and no time will be forever. Try to find comfort in the fact that whatever situation you are in will pass, and things can always get better.
Ask for help when needed.
Reach out to an adult, family member, or friend when or if things become overwhelming. Sometimes, just a shoulder to cry on is best to help. They might also be able to connect you to the help you need.
The end of the semester, the end of the year, and the fear of the future can be very stressful–Especially when everyone around you is telling you to be grateful for what you have. All in all, remember that this is a common feeling, and you will get through it. Reach out to others when you need help, try to stay grounded as much as possible, and remember that your self-worth is determined by so much more than you think.