In The Know

The Difference Between Attention and Attraction (Interview)

Ebony Safiyyah Muhammad (E): What I would like to do is give a small analysis of the Law of Attraction and the definition of beauty as it relates to what men think about women, and of course to clear up any misconceptions that young ladies may have in regards to what they believe guys consider beautiful. In your view as a man, you can speak in general and with personal opinion, of what beauty is?

Ashahed (A): I would say that there’s nothing more beautiful and nothing more attractive than a sister who has Knowledge of Self, the Knowledge of God, and who is goal oriented and direction driven.

A lot of times people think that a woman who has goals and a woman who has confidence is defined as being pushy or defined as being sort of difficult or abrasive. However in my view, there’s a way to be that kind of a sister and maintain your femininity and still maintain your attracting power that God gave you. So to me that’s one of the most important things.

Of course we see with the eyes. People who say, “Well, I don’t see beauty on the outside…”, you see that and anybody who says they don’t see the physical appearance is really being disingenuous. You are able to see the beauty, which is the real person, which is the personality, which is whatever the person cares about and the things that she holds dear; her relationships. Those are the types of things that a very beautiful. It’s probably one of the reasons why when sisters are pregnant they are more attractive to their husbands, yet the sisters think that they look funny. However, in reality, for a real man the most beautiful thing is a Black woman giving life to a Black child. In my view we have to grow and look deeper than just the physical beauty, which of course I don’t want to ignore that or act like that’s not the case…

E: I come across a lot of young ladies and women who invest so much in makeup, clothes, high heels, hair, nails and things like that, because that is what they think will make them beautiful and they do this for the attention of a man. However, I think that in the process of beautifying themselves they kind of miss the mark from a male’s perspective. Could you clear up those kind of misconceptions that some women have of what beautiful is to a man?

A: I know a lot of brothers that I’ve talked to, and we have these kinds of discussions; I’m sure women talk about it way more than men as far as what’s attractive and what they like,  but when a sister’s all made up with all these types of designers and nail colors and all that stuff, the brother’s-a real brother is going to say, “Okay, who are you really”? When he gets past all of the stilettos and painted on jeans and all of those things that make you other than who you really are, you’re not going to have that on all of the time. You’re not going to always see that.

A real brother is looking for something that will last and something that he wants to sustain. He’s going to want to know who you are beyond your labels, designers and those things that add to your adornments. He’s going to know who you are beyond that.

I’m not trying to say that you shouldn’t want to dress nicely or have fashionable clothes or wear jewelry here and there, but you don’t want it to be so much that it’s like a costume.

E: It’s interesting that you say this, because I get approached more when I’m in sweats and a baseball cap washing my car. I’m thinking to myself, “I’m not even ‘cute’ right now”. (laughing) That’s why I think a lot of women, from my observation, may have that misconception.

A: This is also related to who guides you and who’s designing the clothes. Who’s putting all of this on Television and telling you what’s popular? If you have certain people telling you that this particular designer is popular and this style is popular and if you’re driven by that…it’s like a remote control. They press the button and tell you, “This is what we’re wearing now. This is what you should wear.” However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s what the people what to see and it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s attractive. It just means that they were successful in taking your mind out and removing your free will and your self-determination putting a command in your mind to tell you to behave in a certain way.

E: I thinks that’s great way of going into the Law of Attraction as we’re (Nation of Islam) is taught where you have the unalike attract and you have a whole population of people wearing the same thing but it doesn’t mean that it’s attractive. Can you go deeper into that as it relates to the Law of Attraction as we’re taught?

A: Man, that’s a good question.

A woman is going to be attracted to a man who is displaying God’s presence, a man who is trying to be God; a studious man, a dutiful man and who’s trying to make things happen. She’s going to automatically going to be attracted, because that’s in her nature. Man is going to be attracted to a woman who looks like she can be the nurturer, sustainer and motivator that he needs, but he does not need a woman to motivate him if he is not trying to do anything. She does not need somebody to just follow behind if he’s not trying to do anything, which is why in many cases where you’re finding women who are and men who are now opting to be by themselves.

This is a complex question that have many different factors that kind of deep when you really think about it, but it’s all related to us setting up a new way of thinking as far as male, female, the family, the family unit and how we’re to interact with each other and the cornerstone of Nation being the family.

E: When we think about the things that are attractive sometimes we don’t even understand why we’re attracted to certain things. Sometimes it’s not even conscious. We’re attracted to things and we don’t know why, whether it’s the marketing of a particular clothing item or just a type of man. Minister Farrakhan spoke on how some women are attracted to thugs, but it’s his drive, his mind to rule and run something. That’s what they’re really attracted to. They’re not attracted to the dirt that he’s doing. They’re just attracted to his power.

A: Right. Once looking beyond that there are positives and negatives. Hence the same person that has that kind of drive, they also call that same person “controlling”. There are ways to look at it; it just depends on your perspective. I think all of it is related to us really defining for ourselves what’s appropriate and what’s expected and what’s good. We have to know. The more we are in control of ourselves, the more we know what makes us tick, the more we know what pushes our buttons we be able to make better judgments. A lot of us are just reacting to stimulus. Since we have not governed that part of our minds, then we just react and we don’t realize the long term ramifications.

I think about the fact that we’re going into Summer right now. The first Law is Motion and then there’s Order. But what you have in the Black community is really just a lot of motion. You don’t have any order. Just look down the street. You have a hot day, and I know it’s been hot down there in Texas, so you know what I’m talking about. Everybody takes off their clothes, they’re basically naked, and what you have is a bunch of dogs running around in heat. The attraction is on a very low animalistic level where everyone is operating. That’s how it is. It’s been like that here in Chicago as well.

You see, there’s a difference between something getting your attention and something being attractive. If somebody is walking down the street partially naked, people are going to look at you; there’s going to be attention, but you’re not being attractive. People are looking at you, people are whistling at you and saying what they want to do to you, but you’re not attracting anybody.

One of the beautiful things about the power of the Black woman is that she’s naturally magnetic. Any Black woman who is in control of herself in that way she’s not only going to attract men in general, but the right kind of man. Some men won’t be attracted to a woman like that, because they can’t handle it. A woman who is really goal oriented, focused and has her own ideas about how she wants to do things and doesn’t mind sublimating her will to his will in order to cooperate to move forward. That’s what everybody is looking for. No brother that I know is looking for a sister who will just say, “Yes sir” or “No sir” and just sit around and not do anything. (laughing) None of the people I run with are looking for some “Little House on the Prairie” sister! We want a Black woman, a goddess, to put with the god so we can go forward and prepare to rule! That’s what any true brother who is following the Minister is looking for.

E: I appreciate you saying that, because that’s something I run into a lot with some of the girlfriends that I have. They’re very direct, driven, ambitious, and go-getters; there are no grey areas with that. A lot of men say that they want that, but they aren’t able to handle that.

A: Here’s another thing too that I think people, especially sisters should understand, is if you look back at the pictures of Jesus and the women who are around Jesus and women who dressed a certain way around the Prophet (PBUH), they don’t dress like the women who are going to church right now. I’ve heard the Minister mention this as well. I think that when sisters say that they’re Christian but you’re walking around here basically naked, it’s like the club inside the church. You have to really examine if you’re living the principles of what you say. I’m not trying to judge anybody, but I’m saying we’re able to see based on your outward manifestation whether you’re taking those teachings to heart or not.

I think that’s a reinforced thing for women to understand is that there are so many people on the planet right now God put someone on this planet for you. He didn’t put your husband in some other country and you somewhere in Phoenix. It’s just a matter of you putting yourself in the right circumstance. Three o’clock in the morning in the club when everybody is drunk is not the right circumstance. If you’re a brother and you want a sister who studies then maybe you want to hang around a literary group or the library or a place where people are going to school and doing things. However, most of the places where there are social interactions in this world are not going to produce what you want. It will give you what this world has to offer and you see on Television all of the time.

E: Right. It’ll get your attention but it won’t be attractive.

A: Yes, which is why some of these people get attracted and then you get all obsessive because this person wants to continue to dress like that, so you’re scared for them to go outside, because they want to wear a bikini every day. Yet, that’s what attracted you!

EM: Thank you very much Ashahed, I appreciate your honesty with this topic! 

AM: No problem!

— ebony safiyyah muhammad